Disillusionment
by LollyLovesAngua
Summary: Because when Delko started to hallucinate, he started to fall apart. Oneshot, season six spoilers.


**I've wanted to write this story ever since I saw Delko talking to "Speed" on the beach and I wondered what was going through his head at that point. Enjoy :D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own CSI:Miami; if I did Wolfe would be topless in every episode ;)**

* * *

I've only ever felt a sensation like this once before, and that was when I was technically dead. I can barely feel anything; just my ears popping and a bitter cold against my skin. Everything else is numb. I don't know if I'm stood up, lying down or floating. Hell, I can't even tell which way is up.

I try to open my eyes but they instantly sting so I close them tightly again, squeezing the pain from my eyelids.

_Remember… must remember…_

My brain feels funny. It's been happening more and more lately but this is the worst it's ever been. It's almost… fuzzy. Like someone is stuffing cotton wool into it. Repeatedly.

The noise here, wherever it is I am, is absolutely deafening. It's almost like a wall of sound is pressing into my ears and abusing my eardrums. It's so loud it hurts. And yet, I can't hear anything. It's the loudest silence I've ever heard in my life. This _can't _be right.

_I think I'm in trouble._

* * *

_**Earlier that day**_

"Eric. _Eric_."

Delko's head jerked up as he followed the voice. Calleigh was watching him carefully, scrutinizing his open face with her eyes. He blinked a few times, to bring himself back to reality.

"Something wrong?"

Calleigh's eyebrows furrowed and she edged herself along the seat to get closer to him.

"How about you answer that question?"

Surely it hadn't been that obvious? He was preoccupied, yes, but he hadn't said or done anything to attract her attention since the boat left the marina and now they were almost at the crime scene. Couldn't she have asked him that question earlier? Or better still, not asked at all. Sometimes, he didn't know the answer himself.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

He resumed staring at his feet like he had been before, hoping the simplest answer would persuade her to end her line of questioning. Of course, he should have known Calleigh better than that.

"Don't talk like that Eric, you've been examining your shoes for the last fifteen minutes. They're nice shoes-" she smiled angelically at him, "- but I've never known any footwear that's been able to hold a person's attention for so long."

He couldn't help but smile back. He knew she would eventually break him down but he strained to hold out just a little longer.

"It's nothing, really. I'm just thinking."

"About what?"

She said it so innocently. That was what he loved about her sometimes. She was so serious when it came to her work that he often wondered if she had a dual personality. Serious at work, sweetness and innocence at home. That was what it always seemed like to him.

Calleigh edged even further along the seat of the boat and slid her hand down his leg, ending with a gentle squeeze of his knee. She _really _wanted to know.

He wanted so badly to tell her what was really bugging him but he had decided long ago it was best that he didn't. She would think he was crazy, that he wasn't fit to do his job even. If anyone knew the things that went on in his head, he'd be fired faster than it would take for him to defend himself. And after all… his hallucinations weren't all bad.

He'd seen Speedle again. Just this morning, as he'd been driving to work, Speedle had appeared in the car next to him in the passenger's seat. It was the first time ever that it hadn't made him jump.

"_What time did you get to sleep last night, man? You look like you walked off the set of a bad zombie movie!"_

Delko's hands had tightened their grip on the wheel.

"_What do you care? Last time I checked, you were dead."_

"_Last time _I _checked, I wasn't the one having hallucinations."_

"_Exactly. That's all you are. You're just a figment of my imagination. A by-product of a bullet to the brain. I don't have to listen to you, Speed."_

His old friend had crossed his legs and let out a long, exasperated sigh.

"_But you want to. Clearly, you want to. If it were as easy as not listening to me, I wouldn't be in this car right now. And I know you agree with me because I'm part of your inner consciousness and you know it."_

"_Shut up."_

"_I will if you let me! You're the one imagining me, remember?"_

"_I can't exactly help that! Can I?"_

By this point, Delko had pulled over and was pressing his forehead into the leather of the steering wheel in exasperation.

"_I didn't ask to get shot in the head, Speed. And I didn't ask for you to die either. For some reason, those two events have taken over my mind and my life right now and as nice as it is to be able to talk to you for the first time in forever, having my dead best friend pop up every five minutes to tell me I look tired is not a good sign that I'm recovering so forgive me if I can't continue this conversation with you."_

That was the point where it became too much. Delko had switched off the ignition, removed his keys and got out of his car. He wasn't far from the lab and the extra walk was worth getting away from his own twisted hallucinations. He shot a quick, fleeting glance over his shoulder to see if his friend had managed to disappear yet as he walked away. The disappointment in Speed's face had only served to quicken his pace.

It wasn't like he didn't want to see his friend again. Everyone knew that Delko had taken Tim Speedle's death harder than anyone else at the lab and even now it still affected him badly. He didn't like to think about how many years ago it had been. Probably too many. Most people would have dealt with their grief and carried on with their lives by now but Delko still struggled with himself on a day to day basis.

Calleigh remained waiting patiently at his side for Delko to answer her question as the boat slowed to a stop. They had reached the crime scene; a body caught in a fishing boat's net about eight miles south of Miami Beach. Delko got to his feet as soon as the engine died and Calleigh followed him dutifully. Already on the fishing boat, Horatio Caine's red hair shone brightly in the midday sun as he spoke with the captain, a short dark haired man with a number of faded tattoos covering his arms.

Delko shielded his eyes from the glare of light being reflected by the waves. As the team's resident diver, he knew he would be the one cutting the cadaver free whilst everyone else watched. Resigned to his task, he turned- avoiding Calleigh- and went to fetch his diving gear from where he had stored it underneath the seat, when he stopped.

Speedle was stood in his path.

Not wanting to cause any fuss, he carefully sidestepped and walked around the sickeningly real hallucination in an attempt to ignore him completely. It was acceptable to talk to himself alone in the car but not here at work. Not in front of Calleigh.

"Hello to you too!" Speed cried in a voice that soundly deeply hurt. "It's common courtesy to greet a friend when you see them, you know."

Delko hands shook as he pulled his diving gear from under the seat and Speed moved to crouch down beside him.

"If you don't want me to embarrass you in front of your lady-"

"She's not my lady!" hissed Delko. "Why the hell are you here?"

Speed smiled widely and patted his friend on the back. His hand felt worryingly solid to Delko who shot a glance black at Calleigh. Thankfully, she was busy taking photos of the body in the net to be paying any more attention to him.

"Finally he asks a sensible question! I'll make a CSI of you yet Delko."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

Speed took a deep breath and leaned his back against the edge of the seat.

"You haven't noticed anything about my visits?"

"They're getting more and more frequent?"

Speed looked mildly impressed.

"A coincidence, maybe. Something else." Delko shook his head. "Okay, try this then. Think back to the first time you saw me. This me, not the living version."

Delko's memory of that day was clearer than most. When he had first seen Speedle on the beach three weeks ago, he thought it had been a trick of the light. Maybe some guy had wandered over to see what the fuss was about behind the yellow tape and he just happened to look like his long-dead friend. It was entirely possible that was what had happened because when Delko had tried to get a second look, the Speedle look-alike had disappeared. Maybe… maybe that was what triggered his hallucinations.

When Delko had returned to the crime scene at the beach where he first thought he saw him, Speedle appeared again and pointed out a critical piece of evidence to him that the whole team had managed to overlook. This part didn't make sense to Delko when he thought it through afterwards. Surely if he hadn't noticed it before, how could a figment of his imagination have noticed?

"You showed me evidence." Delko looked his friend in the eyes. "Evidence that somehow no one else had noticed."

Speed flashed another smile.

"Exactly. How about any other times?"

Delko fiddled with his goggles as he remembered.

"The second time you… you turned up in the lab. You were trying to get into your locker, weren't you?"

"Why was that, do you think?"

It dawned on him.

"Because Cooper stole your credit card! Am I right?" Speed nodded.

"Too right. He had you going for a while, didn't he? Made you think I was still alive and everything."

"What does that mean then?" Speed sighed and fiddled with his sleeve.

"You still haven't figured it out yet?" Delko shook his head. "What about in the car this morning? That one wasn't obvious but… well maybe I should explain it to you. There'd been an accident that morning. Further up the road, about two blocks away from the lab. If I hadn't stopped you in time, you would have been stuck in that jam and been late for work."

Delko's face was uncharacteristically blank.

"Meaning…?"

"Meaning, I was _helping _you, goddammit! Jeez, Delko I never thought you were _this _slow."

"You were helping me? All this time?"

He couldn't read the expression on Speed's face after that last remark. A mixture of annoyance and impatience was glowering at him patronisingly.

"_Yes_. Which brings me to the point at hand. Why I'm here _now."_

"You're here to help me." Speed congratulated him with a slow handclap. "Go on then, what is it you're going to do this time?"

"I'm glad you asked, you've almost missed it entirely."

Speedle stood up abruptly and crossed the boat to stand next to Calleigh, still taking pictures. He leaned out over the side and pointed at the base of the net.

"If you're not quick, you're about to lose the only decent lead you'll get on this case."

Following his friend, Delko pushed his way in between Speed and Calleigh so he could get a better look at what he was pointing at. A tiny white object was caught in the bottom of the net, just below the man's body. As Delko watched, a wave rocked the fishing boat and the object dislodged itself and began to sink. Fast.

"Crap, Calleigh, did you see what that was?"

The blonde lowered her camera and looked up at the man at her side.

"See what?"

"Calleigh, it's sinking! We've gotta do something!"

Already the object was getting smaller and smaller as it floated downwards. Within a few seconds, it would be gone.

Delko whipped off his t-shirt and stepped up onto the side of the boat, leaving his shoes behind him on the floor.

"Eric, are you crazy? What about your diving gear?" Calleigh's eyes were wild and she tugged on the back of his jeans, trying in vain to make him step back down.

"It's too late," he snapped back at her, "if I don't grab it now, we'll never break the case."

With one last pained look at Speed and Calleigh behind him, Delko launched himself off the side of the boat and hit the water with a huge splash. The water stung his eyes as he tried to open them, casting around for the white object. It was almost directly beneath him already and moving slowly into the black abyss beneath him. Without a second thought, Delko turned on his head and kicked out behind him.

* * *

_Of course. I followed the evidence and look where that got me._

I must have lost consciousness briefly after diving too deep too fast. The water is bitingly cold down here and pressing down hard on my insides.

Without any way of being able to tell which direction the surface is in, my only hope is that someone else dived in after me and will come to rescue me. I've given up all hope of finding the evidence, the only person able to find it now will probably be Davy Jones.

My lungs feel like they could explode at any moment but I know if I take even one breath down here, it's all over. Perhaps what little air is left in there will help me stay afloat, or relatively near the surface.

Maybe that way, it'll be easier to find my body.

I've decided it's best to give up any delusions that I'm going to be saved now. I'm not going to spend my last few moments in this world fruitlessly praying I can stay a little longer. Neither do I want to think about where I might be going when I leave but I couldn't think about that even if I wanted to, however, because right now, my thoughts have turned to the last person I saw before I dived in. Calleigh's face was both beautiful and terrible the way she looked at me. The last image of her is stuck in my mind and it brings a small warmness to my soul that she is holding out to me; her fingers reaching to grab me and pull me back but failing and curling back into a frightened fist. I hope she's not mad at me.

_Please Calleigh, forgive me._

* * *

**If you haven't been able to tell already, I believe Delko and Calleigh belong together, no matter how long it takes them to realise this themselves. I'm just a hopeless romantic 3**

**I'm sorry if I got any details wrong whilst writing this (I know at this time in the canon for example, Calleigh is dating Jake) but, hey it's my universe and I have artistic license :P**

**Please leave a review and let me know what you think**

XXLollyXX


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